Robot Heart

The internet is for shiny objects.

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"I am serving as a bridesmaid for a dear friend in a few weeks. I estimated (based on my own wedding and others in which I’ve been part of the bridal party, and knowing the actual cost of the bridesmaid dress) what the financial requirements would be, and was comfortable with them. I assumed there would be some sort of bachelorette event, and that I would contribute to it, but at the shower a few days ago, I learned all the details, which were planned without involving me at all, and I’m not comfortable with the amount of money I am being asked to spend (more than all my other wedding-related costs combined). I think it is excessive, and excessive particularly in that what we’re being asked to spend contributes no value to the couple’s life together.

To say that I was asked to spend this money is an exaggeration. Plans have been made, and I have been told that I am splitting the cost with the other bridesmaids. When the issue of cost was raised, the maid-of-honor, who is the bride’s sister, said, “I’m poor, but I can afford it.” I can’t. I don’t know how I can get out of the situation. I don’t think staying home from the party is a realistic option because it would hurt the bride’s feelings, and I adore her."

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The Simple Dollar » Reader Mailbag #64

Can I just say…I think the amount of money most people dish out on weddings and wedding-related activities is obscene? And just because you are willing to dole out that kind of cash (whether for your own or a friend’s wedding) doesn’t mean anyone else will be willing to. Any time you are planning an event where multiple people will be expected to contribute financially, you should always, ALWAYS make sure what you are asking people to contribute is something they are willing and able to pay. And if you are set on asking someone else to spend a certain amount, you should let them know in advance and give them the ability to opt out gracefully before they are in a situation they can not back out of without causing some affront. To do otherwise is beyond tacky.

Really, though, I’m so tired of the expectation that other people are expected to fork over cash hand over fist for people’s weddings. I despise the entire “my day!” culture that has bubbled up around weddings.

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